Mistakes
Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) Why we justify foolish beliefs, bad decisions and hurtful acts by Carol Tavis and Elliot Aronson. This book is well worth reading not only to help you understand your behaviors, but also why other people act as they do. Great self help book. It is fascinating. Here are some tidbits from the book
1.Promises are easily made. Keeping them often proves more difficult because when we are pressured to strive always for perfection, we find it simpler to agree to undertake impossible tasks than to say no. Likewise, there is an infinite array of circumstances that conspire to goad us into telling falsehoods, even when we hold a great reverence for truth. When you endeavor to consistently keep your word, however, you protect your reputation and promote yourself as someone who can be trusted to be unfailingly truthful. Though your honesty may not always endear you to others—for there will always be those who fear the truth—you can nonetheless be certain that your integrity is never tarnished by the patina of deceit. Since frankness and sincerity form the basis of all life-enriching relationships, your word is one of your most precious and powerful possessions.
2.When we promise more than we can deliver, hide from the consequences of our actions through falsehoods, or deny our true selves to others, we hurt those who were counting on us by proving that their faith was wrongly given. We are also hurt by the lies we tell and the promises we break. Integrity is the foundation of civilization, allowing people to live, work, and play side by side without fear or apprehension. As you cultivate honesty within yourself, you will find that your honor and reliability put people at ease. Others will feel comfortable seeking out your friendship and collaborating with you on projects of great importance, certain that their positive expectations will be met. If you do catch yourself in a lie, ask yourself what you wanted to hide and why you felt you couldn’t be truthful. And if life’s surprises prevent you from keeping your word, simply admit your error apologetically and make amends quickly.
3.Since the path of truth frequently represents the more difficult journey, embarking upon it builds character. You can harness the power of your word when you do your best to live a life of honesty and understand what motivates dishonesty. In keeping your agreements and embodying sincerity, you prove that you are worthy of trust and perceive values as something to be incorporated into your daily existence.
4.Most of us find it difficult, if not impossible to say "I was wrong, I made a terrible mistake. The higher the stakes, the greater the difficulty. Most people when directly confronted with proof that they were wrong do not change their point of view or course of action but justify it even more tenaciously. There is a difference between lying to save face and the process of someone persuading themselves that they did a good thing. Self justification is more powerful and dangerous than a simple lie. It allows people to convince themselves that what they did was the best thing they could have done. In fact, it was the right thing. Self justification minimizes our mistakes and bad decisions and makes a person a hypocrite. One justification leads to more to the point that a person actually be
5.Memories are often pruned and shaped by an ego enhancing bias that blurs the edges of past events, softens culpability and distorts what really happened. We tend to remember things in a way that enhances our contribution to say, a relationship. over time as the self distortions of memory kick in and we forget or distort past events, we may come to believe our own lies little by little. We know we did something wrong but gradually we begin to think that it wasn't all our fault and after all the situation was complex. We start under estimating our own responsibility. Before long we have persuaded ourselves believing our own lies to be the truth. You can literally will what is in your mind to become reality. While it's true that we must live our lives with a certain amount of self justification, in order to keep ourselves sane, the use of mindless self justification can draw us into deep trouble. It blocks our ability to even see our errors, let alone correct them, it distorts reality and prolongs rifts between friends and lovers. It permits the guilty for taking responsibility for their deeds. To make mistakes is human but we have a choice to make between covering up or fessing up. We cannot learn from mistakes unless we can admit that we made any.
The authors of the book go on to say that Cognitive Dissonance is the engine of self justification. They cite examples of this behavior as it relates to politicians and other sectors of society as well as examples of individuals.
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