Honoring Yourself

The key to any successful relationship whether it be romance oriented or not, is to honor yourself. By honoring yourself you set a standard of behavior that is acceptable to you and will allow for healthy growth to take place between two people. Often times, people set separate standards for what they will tolerate in a relationship versus a friendship. Some people set higher standards for a romantic partner than they do for a friend, others do the opposite. Standards for ANY relationship that you engage in should be the same. All relationships are about give and take and require a fairly equal exchange of effort. I say fairly because sometimes one must carry more than the other for a bit of time and vice versa. The point here is that in the end it evens out. When one person is continually carrying the bulk of the work of a relationship it puts things out of balance and sends the wrong message to the other person. Compromise and honesty are two other important frameworks that build a good relationship. As you read this you may well be thinking that you already KNOW this. Perhaps we do in theory, but often times we don't actually practice it. We are afraid to ask for our share of love, respect and work that is so integral to any relationship out of fear of rejection by the other person. If that turns out to be the case then perhaps you were engaged in the wrong relationship. A good relationship requires very little work. The bond is there and things take off immediately. It will flow effortlessly and be a truly energizing experience. The work comes in when a misunderstanding arises between you, as it inevitably will. It is here that your willingness to respect another's point of view and to accept that they may never be in total agreement with you is put to the test. This should not diminish the bond that exists between you but instead deepen it. Differences deepening a bond? Yes, because having differences is an acknowledgment of the uniqueness of each other. Conflict shows us that we can have a oneness between us yet still understand that we are both individuals outside of our commonality. In returning to the closeness of the relationship after a conflict, the relationship is actually stronger than it was prior to the conflict for a variety of reasons. First and foremost is that the fact that two people have both chosen to try to make their way back to each other showing the desire and recognition in both of them that this was a worthwhile relationship. They both show respect and appreciation for what the other gives to them. They have achieved true equality and a new found sense of freedom. They now know that they can hit a wall and help each other up and over it. It is from this point that they can really relax and enjoy each other as they did before without the fear of failure. The soul seeks to learn a lesson and the rewards from having learned it are why we are here in the first place and that is to live, to laugh, and to share our lives with our kindred spirits.